I wasn't sure how I was going to begin this post...it's been churning in my head for days. I think I'm the last blogger to wish the world a Happy 2012, but the pressure of the first post weighed on my shoulders. Would I give a recap of my year, the projects I was able to accomplish, the works in progress yet to be completed? Or would I list my resolutions for the year, with a heartfelt hope that I would be sucessful? Or maybe post a series of pictures of the highlights of 2011?
It all didn't seem right for me, for this post to look back. Well before the year ended, I actually felt that I was coming over a crest, feeling the freedom of seeing what's on the other side. It was like what I rememebered about running up Stanyan - it was almost better just to keep going until I reached the plateau of an intersection, rather than stop in the middle of the climb to see how far I had gone.
You're probably wondering what in the heck I have accomplished in the last year, with all of this talk about running up an insanely steep hill in San Francisco. Alas, my resume won't show much more than it did from January of last year, except for an extra few miles I logged in, and a few more words I was finally able to get on paper. But my insides, the real stuff that makes "me", has come through what I call the Fog of 2011.
It has much to do with getting adjusted and readjusted. The rearranging of the physical priorities within what the family needs, the tweaking of personal priorities in the categories of 'dream' and 'reality', and finally finding that there is a bridge that connects these two things. It was toting the line in between expectation and radical and then deciding to throw that one foot on the other side and opening my eyes and saying, Wow, why didn't I do that earlier?
I know! There she goes with her mumbo jumbo again. This is why I held back a couple of days to post. The words are all here, on the tips of my fingers, I am typing as fast as I can so that I don't filter so much of what I mean.
What is all this about?
It's about everything. Perspective. Baby steps leading to gazelle-like movements. Process. Faith. Rolled up in one and then twisted and turned. It's knowing myself. And it's being more brave. Not just chug-a-chuging up that hill, but really using those legs and my (well-fed) ass to haul myself over, knowing I will be fully out of breath up there.
No, you won't be seeing me running 8 minute miles, I'm perfectly happy at my 11:30's. I won't be knocking out a quilt a month, though I'll still be making some very loved items. And I guarantee that the crazy moments will come, and sometimes I will cry and complain, this is life after all. This is not about stats, or counting those notches above my bed (which I don't have, lest you think...).
It's about finding my groove, and 2012 is going to witness it.
I hope the first 4 days of your year has been eventful in some way, even in your quietest moments. Celebrate it with me.